28 May 2015

Rationalising the blogs

I've been rationalising & reducing my presence on the Interweb over the last few hours, mainly because of ongoing problems that I am having with eye-strain. I find that I can only spend so much time staring at this screen. Particularly as the returns from some of the blogs I was working on are pathetic....

Completely gone now, are my Weebly, Wordpress and Tumblr blogs. I didn't seem to be getting a great deal of traffic to those sites. It was interesting to have a presence on those platforms, but the blogs were not working for me. Particularly on Wordpress.

Deleted but recoverable, are The Hedge End Trumpet, TGR Worzel on Blogging, TGR Worzel Shares and Turner on Turner. They''ll be deleted completely in 90 days. I'll probably export some of the posts and incorporate them into The Complete Works of TGR Worzel presently.

27 May 2015

Carry On, Sir Percy...

The Right Honourable Sir Percy Worzel OBE, the MP for the Parliamentary constituency of Buggeringham & Nicely, was busy propping up the bar at his local Conservative club. It was the evening of the Annual General Meeting and a new committee was due to be selected to oversee the management of the club, to ensure that everything ran smoothly.

Sir Percy was the outgoing Chairman and hoping to hand over the reins to somebody else. That would leave him a little more time for propping up the bar when he was back in the semi-rural constituency at weekends. More play less work was Sir Percy’s motto, with a cocktail glass and shotgun very prominent on his family’s coat of arms….

"Let me buy you a drink", said the outgoing Vice Chairman, Roger Themall, as he entered the bar. Roger knew that the Buggeringham Conservative club was an accident waiting to happen and didn’t want to be in the top job when the proverbial hit the fan. He was very keen for Sir Percy to continue as the Chairman.

“Thanks Roger”, said Sir Percy. “I’ll have a triple scotch with ice and a dash of Ginger Ale please. Oh, and a packet of scratchings too, if it is not too much of an imposition…”

Roger laughed. “You’re very welcome Sir Percy. You’ve been a great Chairman of the club over the last thirty years and it’s the least I can do.”

“That’ll be £1.25 please”, said Arthur the barman. “I am afraid the price of the scratchings has gone up this week. They’re a whole £1.00 now.“

”Outrageous” said Sir Percy, tucking into his free drink.”

”Put it onto my account please”, said Roger, “I’ll settle up later”.

“Right-ho”, said Arthur, glancing across at some raucous laughter on the other side of the room, where a very dodgy joke had just been told. Arthur thought he had heard the word “Balls”, a very rude word that was banned in the club, but he wasn’t quite sure so he let it go.

The bar was busier than usual today, because of the AGM, but it was always very popular with the Conservatives as it was cheaper than any of the public houses in the town of Buggeringham, where the tax-paying population were obliged to drink. Only the bar at the House of Commons was cheaper. Sir Percy was often to be found there too, passing the time between occasional votes in the House of Commons… 

”So who do you think should be the new chairman?” asked Sir Percy. “I trust you’ll be putting your name forward for the position. You’ve been Vice Chairman for a very long time Roger. It’s about time you had the reward of the top job and the prestige that goes with it. There’s the Nicely Village Fete to open next week, you’ll enjoy that. Mrs Casabas of the Women’s Institute is very buxom and very friendly.”

“Yes, that would be enjoyable”, said Roger, “but I don’t think Pat would approve and I would hate to deprive you of the privilege. After all, you are the distinguished MP for Buggeringham & Nicely, with thirty years service to the community. It just wouldn’t be the same if I opened the Village Fete.”

”Would you like another drink, by the way..?” added Roger, noticing that Sir Percy had already finished the first one.

“Same again please Arthur”, said Sir Percy, now halfway through his packet of pork scratchings. “I suppose you’re right Roger, it wouldn’t be quite the same. The villagers do like the tradition of their MP opening the fete. I hear they’re having a beer tent this year. I think I would miss opening the fete, but there’s no reason why you couldn’t be Chairman of the Conservative Club, is there..?”

“Well that’s for the AGM to decide, but I’m not planning to put my name forward.” explained Roger Themall. “I don’t think I am the right man for the job”.

“Why ever not…?”, asked Sir Percy, adding “Thanks Arthur”, as his second free drink arrived.

”Well, who else would organise our Saturday evening entertainment..?” asked Roger. “The Chairman of the Conservative Club can hardly be seen to be organising blue movies and strippers. It needs somebody who is one step removed from the public eye. Vice Chairman yes, Chairman no. Would you like to take on the responsibility of organising our weekly entertainment Sir Percy, if you stepped down to the Vice Chairman’s job.? It’s hardly fitting for a distinguished MP, is it..?”

”Another drink, perhaps…?” added Roger, spotting that Sir Percy’s glass was emptying rapidly again…?

”I see your point” said Sir Percy, “though I was thinking of schtepping down completely. Yesh, another little drinkie would be nice please Arthur. Are you sure these tipples are triples…?”

“Oh look, there’s Pat. Hi Pat, love, what would you like to drink..? Roger’s buying..!”, said Sir Percy, as Pat Themall entered the bar. “Sssh” said Roger. “Mum’s the word eh…!”, before picking up the conversation…

“Ah, but unless you are in one of the two top jobs Sir Percy, you will miss out on so much” said Roger, rather manipulatively. “Besides the invitation to open the Nicely Fete, there’s the invitation to the annual cheese rolling contest & clay pigeon shoot on Nicely Knoll. Plus the Buggeringham and Nicely quarter-marathon, both of which are good for being seen to engage with the public and win votes. Then there’s the Buggeringham Motor Show and Music Festival, which are prestigious events. Not to mention all the perks that we’re offered by local businesses seeking our favour. You wouldn’t want to miss out on any of that, would you…?”

“I supposhe you are right Roger”, said Sir Percy, clasping Roger’s hand very tightly and shaking it in a most peculiar way. “It will be much better to keep things as they are, rather than introdooze any unneschessary changes.”

“Conschervative with a small ‘c’ eh…?”

“I thought you’d say that”, said Roger…



Written for and posted to a link-up organised by +Natalia Lialina on her blog entitled "In The Writers Closet"

26 May 2015

Oh no, it's Plantar Fasciitis...!

The shock horror news for today, is that I need to start wearing heels...

You may recall that I recently thought I had a stress fracture in my right foot, having delivered literally thousands of leaflets for the Beer, Baccy & Scratchings party over the course of 3.5 weeks.

Well although that theory made sense at the time, it seems I was wrong. It is not a stress fracture. It is plantar fasciitis ...